


Snape and the Doe

by Hobo_Pope



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/Patronus, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobo_Pope/pseuds/Hobo_Pope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A student at Hogwarts follows a strange light and sees a stranger sight. What is Snape doing in the Forbidden Forest at night?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snape and the Doe

I am going to school, right, except that I am not a normal one, like you, I go to hogwarts, it's for wizards. I am not british, like these other wizards, but my mom and dad came to england when i was younger and now i am stuck here. It's alright, mostly, except for a couple of the kids are jerks and one of the teachers is basically satan.

Actually, now that I know magic is real, he is probably not satan, he is probably satan's little servant boy.

So yeah, I am a wizard at wizard school and I am learning all the spells and things. These wizards are pretty dumb at life though. My dad's in banking, and these wizards just let a bunch of goblins keep all their money in a locked vault. None of the teachers here have ever even heard of interest. I asked one and she said "Well of course I'm interested in my money" in that stupid british way where they look at you like you're covered in dog poo.

So I am going to learn their spells but then later I will get all of their money and then they will see who is covered in dog poo! It will be them.

Anyway, the point is that the weirdest thing I have ever seen happened last night, and I have seen some weird things. I mean, there is a teacher here who is literally only half human and nobody even looks at him twice. I have seen horses made out of skeletons that have wings and can fly, but have to use their SKELETON WINGS to do it. I have seen a squid fall in love with a tree. But this thing was something else.

I was out last night by myself, like normal. I don't have that many friends yet, and the ones I do have don't like breaking curfew. And I live in a castle in the middle of a forest full of magic, so I like to look around. I was going around the squid's lake, wondering if there was going to be a romantic call this night, when I saw a brilliant bright light in the woods.

You know how there are different colors of light? Like when you're in the hospital and they've got neon lights and everyone looks sick, even the guests and doctors? Or how things look way different inside and in the sun? Well this was like the best light. It was like if you were on the top of a mountain looking with the best telescope at the brightest star. It was beautiful. So I abandoned squid-tree watch and went to have a look.

Now, wizards are pretty good at doing impossible things, but they're pretty bad at doing regular things. Like, one of my teachers turns herself into a cat. Impossible. Awesome. But, like, she doesn't know how clocks work. They just have giant magical hourglasses. 

Anyway, one of the things that it turns out wizards can't do is sneak. They just can't do it. They yell out their spells, and they swoosh their capes and if they want to hide they yell "Inivibilius!" or whatever and then you can't see them anymore. But you can always tell. That's why the head of security's got a cat, because one of the invisible idiots is liable to just step on it.

I can sneak.

So I got over to the beginning of the woods and kept moving closer to this light. It wasn't standing still, and I thought maybe it was like a will o' the wisp, or swamp gas or a ufo or SOMETHING bad, but everything I'd heard about magic was that you could always tell by looking whether things were good or bad. Bad magic looks evil, it's green or red and cloudy or it's got warts on it or something. Good magic looks good, and this was the best-looking light I'd ever seen.

This was not good magic.

Ok, before I tell you the next part, I should maybe tell you more about the guy who teaches potions and is also probably satan's man-slave. He is just a disgusting greaseball. He never bathes. His hair looks like he dunks his head in a jar of olive oil every morning and he hates everything.

Also, one time I think he smelled my hair during class when he thought I wouldn't notice. I'm kind of a little scared to be alone with him, actually. Anyway, he is a total creep is the point, everyone knows it. 

He wasn't the first thing I saw when I got close enough to figure out what was going on. I was looking at the light, and it started looking like an animal made of stardust, which is weird, but not weirder than dragons. I couldn't tell what kind of animal it was because there were these weird shadows.

I got closer until I was pretty sure there weren't any trees in the way, and I figured out that it was probably a deer, cause its front legs looked like a deer and all, but it was like it didn't really even have back legs. And then I was like "How is it standing on just its front legs" before I realized that there totally was another shadow.

It was the potions teacher. He was, like, trying to ride the deer? It was really hard to see, because of how bright the deer was and I could only see the light reflecting off his greasy-ass hair and the rest of him was shadow, but it looked like he was trying to jump on the deer from behind, and the deer was maybe trying to shake him loose, but it wasn't kicking? They were definitely struggling and I could tell that they weren't having a good time because he started making all these straining noises and the deer was like, doing a high-pitched whine?

I just was completely not even aware of what was going on and maybe I made a noise or something cause the deer got scared and went rigid and looked toward me. And then creepo noticed because he got still too and I was like "shit I do not want to be alone in the woods with this guy." So I basically just fucking ran back to the castle and I only took a couple steps before the light disappeared and Snape yelled out "Who's there?" and I just kept running and I haven't been able to figure out what happened but I know it was weird and I'm sure it was horrible because that guy is just the worst.


End file.
